Sara Perchan, who I lived with during my time on the mountain, wrote a poem called "Remember. Never Forget." and I feel that it displays much of the emotion I have felt and continue to feel about leaving Uganda, so I decided to share it with you. I think it's quite beautiful and well written.
(by the way, I added some names to fit my personal relationships in parentheses.)
Remember. Never forget.
Where are you, my children? My beautiful children.
Where are you now?
Do you remember me?
Me, Sara (Lauren), your aunt, your sister, your friend.
The one who never came back.
The one who left you on the mountain.
Children.
The days have gone by and I still see your smiles.
Smiles that captured my heart,
I close my eyes, day after day, remembering you.
The images will never leave me.
No one here can understand.
About you.
About the mountain.
About the problems.
About who I really am.
Children.
Not one day has gone by without my thinking of you.
Remembering the mountain.
I will carry the burden of leaving you. My heart aches.
I cannot bear the weight of my decision.
Do you understand why I left?
Does anyone?
Do I?
Children.
I cannot forget.
Namaganda and Charity. My daughters. (David. My son.)
Jackie and Jennifer. My sisters. (Babra, Shadia and Winnie. My sisters.)
David and Jospeh. My brothers. (Rock and Pius. My brothers.)
I close my eyes and long for you.
For the innocent days before the darkness became too dark too ignore.
For the hope of a future together.
For the prayers of what might have been.
I hope my children will forgive me.
(Remember. Never forget.)
Sara Perchan
October 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Two months later.
I doubt that anyone still checks this, but I thought that I would update just in case.
I returned on August 9th and today's date is October 9th. I have been home for two months now. I can still hear the kids' voices and laughter so clearly in my mind, however, that I often feel like that much time could not have passed already. The children have not left my mind for longer than a period of a couple hours in which I am usually sleeping. The conversations that we had still play over in my mind. The laughter and adventures that we shared still bring smiles to my face. The issues that effect them still break my heart. Their names are still uttered in my every prayer. Jireh is still a very present part of my daily life.
The Spring '08 semester was a very difficult one for me and I feel that God gave me a time of peace at Jireh by taking me away from my stresses, worries and concerns for a short time. He used that time to whisper reminders of His love, to remind me of what is important, to align my heart with His, to speak truth to me through the mouths of children (and my amazing roommate). During my time at Jireh, I feel like God further developed my character and allowed me to begin to view myself through His eyes, instead of the eyes of those who surround me here in America. I am so grateful for the time that I was able to spend and the lessons that I learned there.
The transition back to American culture has been a difficult one. Honestly, I often feel that I would rather live on top of a mountain surrounded by loving children, realizing what is truly important and allowing God to provide instead of having internet, electricity and running water at the tip of my fingers. I struggle with the idea that I am spending thousands of dollars and hours gaining an education, instead of getting out and helping the kids. I feel so complacent and distracted and am stuggling to understand my purpose here for the moment.
In the last two weeks, God has reminded me of the vision and mission that He gave me when He first called me to Jireh: to be a voice for the voiceless, to speak for the ones who cannot speak for themselves. He has revealed ways that I can apply that vision to my life here. He has shown me people who are broken and hurting right before my eyes. He has revealed to me a career path in which I can apply this vision. He has allowed me to still be a voice for the children at Jireh.
Although I do not completely know where this journey of life is headed at this point, I know that I am going in the right direction. I am where God wants me to be for the moment. And the children of Jireh are safely nested in my heart. We will walk this journey together.
I returned on August 9th and today's date is October 9th. I have been home for two months now. I can still hear the kids' voices and laughter so clearly in my mind, however, that I often feel like that much time could not have passed already. The children have not left my mind for longer than a period of a couple hours in which I am usually sleeping. The conversations that we had still play over in my mind. The laughter and adventures that we shared still bring smiles to my face. The issues that effect them still break my heart. Their names are still uttered in my every prayer. Jireh is still a very present part of my daily life.
The Spring '08 semester was a very difficult one for me and I feel that God gave me a time of peace at Jireh by taking me away from my stresses, worries and concerns for a short time. He used that time to whisper reminders of His love, to remind me of what is important, to align my heart with His, to speak truth to me through the mouths of children (and my amazing roommate). During my time at Jireh, I feel like God further developed my character and allowed me to begin to view myself through His eyes, instead of the eyes of those who surround me here in America. I am so grateful for the time that I was able to spend and the lessons that I learned there.
The transition back to American culture has been a difficult one. Honestly, I often feel that I would rather live on top of a mountain surrounded by loving children, realizing what is truly important and allowing God to provide instead of having internet, electricity and running water at the tip of my fingers. I struggle with the idea that I am spending thousands of dollars and hours gaining an education, instead of getting out and helping the kids. I feel so complacent and distracted and am stuggling to understand my purpose here for the moment.
In the last two weeks, God has reminded me of the vision and mission that He gave me when He first called me to Jireh: to be a voice for the voiceless, to speak for the ones who cannot speak for themselves. He has revealed ways that I can apply that vision to my life here. He has shown me people who are broken and hurting right before my eyes. He has revealed to me a career path in which I can apply this vision. He has allowed me to still be a voice for the children at Jireh.
Although I do not completely know where this journey of life is headed at this point, I know that I am going in the right direction. I am where God wants me to be for the moment. And the children of Jireh are safely nested in my heart. We will walk this journey together.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)